Chalk It Up

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God is SO Yesterday

More billboard debauchery...

Happy American Pride Day!

Long Live the New Flesh!

Ah the backpiece! Originally done by Japanese mafia members as a form of allegiance, it is now a place to show allegiance of all kinds! And why not? After all, (A) it is the biggest, flattest space on your body and (B) you will never have to see it.

In fact, the only people who will see it are (A) beach-goers, (B) the guys behind you at the game and (C) people doggy-stylin' it to you. So why not fill 'er up? Let your imagination run wild! Yes, leeches and germs... I bring you ten rockin' back pieces to feast your eyes on!


First we present to you a family tree of sorts. House of Pain was born from Whitesnake and Judas Priest. Judas Priest's mom and dad was Warrant and Accept, and as we all know Whitesnake was born from Mötley Crüe and Firehouse. Malcolm Young's (?) butt is made up of Randy Rhoads.


Sometimes getting laid is hard. I know. When you're hanging out in a Turkish bathhouse with nothing but a skimmy over your jimmy and no one's giving you the eye, nothing says "come hither" like the signatures of EVERY member of AC/DC. I've been touched by rock royalty. Don't you want to tap that?


If you can't get AC/DC to sign your back or don't want to hang out in a Turkish bathhouse, why not get a bunch of their mid-career album covers on your back? We all know what "flick of the switch" means, right?


Here's a trooper! This tattoo has the opposite effect. Eddie will lay waste to anyone who tries to tap this!


"I'm driving through Westwood... this is 1987 or '88. I've got a Hawaiian shirt on; it's real hot outside. I see Tom Waits, all in black, long-sleeved shirt and cowboy boots - it's 90 degrees - and he's walking through Westwood.

"So I pull up next to him and I say, 'Tom!' I've got these sunglasses on, he probably thought I was with the CIA - car phone and everything - and he says, 'Heh?' and looks real startled so I say, 'It's Bob Seger.' He says, 'Ooh, hi Bob.' He jumps in the car and we start talking.

"I asked him what he was doin' and says, 'Uh ... I'm walkin'.' I've loved his stuff down through the years so I started asking him all these dumb questions about his songs. I said, 'In Cold Cold Ground, Tom, you say 'The cat will sleep in the mailbox.' Yesterday I went and bought my cat one of these fuzzy mailboxes. Is that what you're talking about?' He looked at me like I was from Mars - 'No, no. My cats sleep under the house.'

"So it goes on, this strange interlude, for about fifteen minutes. Finally, I asked if I could drop him somewhere and he says, 'Tell you what, take me back to right where you picked me up.'

So I drove around a bunch of blocks, dropped him exactly where I picked him up and he says, 'And, uh, I'll just keep on walkin'."

----Bob Seger

I can't help it. He's a guilty pleasure. This tattoo is awesome:



When I die you can bury me on my stomach.



Nothing gives your wish more power than Christmas lights. Especially if it's a deaf wish!



He didn't practice Santaria. And he didn't have a crystal ball. He had a few thousand dollars and... he blew it all:




Of course you can always just tell the world you waste your life playing video games...



To purge your eyes from all you've just witnessed, I offer you this. Which I almost can't believe is real. But I think it is and I think it's awesome.



Long live the new flesh!

A Woman Under the Influence

Remember when people could make decent movies? Peter Falk and Gena Rowlands are incredible.

Squirt It

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental.


Someone just tried to extort money from me, then stole my room mate's rent and bill money all while owing me money. To top it off, they are still running around with the keys. Now I really feel secure! I knew he was a scam artist after a few months, but I never thought he would stoop to something this petty and, frankly, sad.

When things like this happen, I usually have dark thoughts in my head. Then I feel bad and think, "no, no, I shouldn't think like that. Everyone is descent... I should still treat everyone with kindness and respect." Maybe this is the trappings of an introvert, or a misfit, or a depressive. Whatever you want to call it. I always ultimately end up taking a deep breath and clearing the negative thoughts from my head.

But kindness and being nice got me into this mess. It is such a cliché at this point, but it's a cliché because it's true. These vampires will take advantage of nice people. It gets proved again and again in my life. So rather than sit around, having a mental tennis match with my good thoughts against my bad thoughts; this time I became proactive.

It is all well and great to be nice to people. Even dicks. But when they do something callous and malicious, you need to act and you need to act fast.

When life gives you lemons, squirt them back in that fucker's eyes.

If you sit around feeling sorry for yourself, you'll simply fuel your self doubt. I repeat my mantra: I will not fall victim to anyone else's insecurity. People are damaged, people are disturbed but NO ONE can take their problems out on you. They will try and they are crafty but you will win in the end with truth on your side.

We can't love everyone. And why should we? Not everyone will love us. We should be fine with this. Can't we all just get along? NO! The worst of the worst will pretend to love you, then stab you in the back. They will twist the knife. These people are a waste of complex cell structures. They are a virus masquerading as life. They are also not worth your energy.

Be proactive, take on the situation calmly and coolly, make a strategy, organize and then let it go. Don't let these people enact their vampiric fantasies. As Sarcofago said; Crush, Kill, Destroy. Then as Black Flag said; Rise Above. In this order is the simple way for dealing with these predators.