Friday, 2 July 2010

Long Live the New Flesh!

Ah the backpiece! Originally done by Japanese mafia members as a form of allegiance, it is now a place to show allegiance of all kinds! And why not? After all, (A) it is the biggest, flattest space on your body and (B) you will never have to see it.

In fact, the only people who will see it are (A) beach-goers, (B) the guys behind you at the game and (C) people doggy-stylin' it to you. So why not fill 'er up? Let your imagination run wild! Yes, leeches and germs... I bring you ten rockin' back pieces to feast your eyes on!

First we present to you a family tree of sorts. House of Pain was born from Whitesnake and Judas Priest. Judas Priest's mom and dad was Warrant and Accept, and as we all know Whitesnake was born from Mötley Crüe and Firehouse. Malcolm Young's (?) butt is made up of Randy Rhoads.

Sometimes getting laid is hard. I know. When you're hanging out in a Turkish bathhouse with nothing but a skimmy over your jimmy and no one's giving you the eye, nothing says "come hither" like the signatures of EVERY member of AC/DC. I've been touched by rock royalty. Don't you want to tap that?

If you can't get AC/DC to sign your back or don't want to hang out in a Turkish bathhouse, why not get a bunch of their mid-career album covers on your back? We all know what "flick of the switch" means, right?

Here's a trooper! This tattoo has the opposite effect. Eddie will lay waste to anyone who tries to tap this!

"I'm driving through Westwood... this is 1987 or '88. I've got a Hawaiian shirt on; it's real hot outside. I see Tom Waits, all in black, long-sleeved shirt and cowboy boots - it's 90 degrees - and he's walking through Westwood.

"So I pull up next to him and I say, 'Tom!' I've got these sunglasses on, he probably thought I was with the CIA - car phone and everything - and he says, 'Heh?' and looks real startled so I say, 'It's Bob Seger.' He says, 'Ooh, hi Bob.' He jumps in the car and we start talking.

"I asked him what he was doin' and says, 'Uh ... I'm walkin'.' I've loved his stuff down through the years so I started asking him all these dumb questions about his songs. I said, 'In Cold Cold Ground, Tom, you say 'The cat will sleep in the mailbox.' Yesterday I went and bought my cat one of these fuzzy mailboxes. Is that what you're talking about?' He looked at me like I was from Mars - 'No, no. My cats sleep under the house.'

"So it goes on, this strange interlude, for about fifteen minutes. Finally, I asked if I could drop him somewhere and he says, 'Tell you what, take me back to right where you picked me up.'

So I drove around a bunch of blocks, dropped him exactly where I picked him up and he says, 'And, uh, I'll just keep on walkin'."

----Bob Seger

I can't help it. He's a guilty pleasure. This tattoo is awesome:

When I die you can bury me on my stomach.

Nothing gives your wish more power than Christmas lights. Especially if it's a deaf wish!

He didn't practice Santaria. And he didn't have a crystal ball. He had a few thousand dollars and... he blew it all:

Of course you can always just tell the world you waste your life playing video games...

To purge your eyes from all you've just witnessed, I offer you this. Which I almost can't believe is real. But I think it is and I think it's awesome.

Long live the new flesh!


Aylmer said...

That bottom one can't be real. Horrible, but technically incredible.

Ambassador MAGMA said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ambassador MAGMA said...

It's driving me crazy... how white that "sword electricity" is... is this real or just a fantasy? See what you do to me?

Aylmer said...

It's not a tat, it's body CGI

Anonymous said...

I think its part real but the rest its cgi touch up as ive seen sumthing like this for real just not on that scale

Thanks for checking it out!

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