Friday, 16 April 2010

The Vajazzle: When Waxing Isn't Enough

I am constantly surprised by humanity. Vajazzle - yes it IS what you think it is, is a new spa "treatment." If you want your va-jay-jay bedazzled to dazzle your man, here's the skinny from "spa week" to soothe your conscience:

I think the key to a good vajazzle is the element of surprise.

I’d heard about vajazzling before and the girl I’m seeing told me she was excited to get the treatment. When she said that she wanted a disco ball down there, I imagined Michael Jackson’s diamond-studded white glove peeking out from behind the panties. I have to say I was kind of disappointed when she came back with a little pink heart. It was cool, but I expected something different, without thinking of the ramifications of the crystals (yeah, they’re actual crystals).

Now what’s the first thing you do if your woman gets vajazzled? If I have to tell you the answer to this riddle… hold on… I think that was your girlfriend calling. So this part, nothing really changes if you’re used to her being waxed. If you aren’t, that’s something that goes hand-in-hand with the whole vajazzling experience, so enjoy it.

She said the woman who vajazzled her indicated you’re not supposed to have sex right after you’re vajazzled. I’d thought there may be laceration involved (did I mention the crystals?), but there was no problem with it for us; unless you count vajazzles everywhere as a problem.

They were on the sheets, the heart was no longer in tact, they were in different places on her body and other places in the bed, on clothes… I had vajazzles stuck to my shoulder the next day… we even found one on a dish that had gone through the dishwasher. They get all over. I wanted her to remove them earlier in the week, but she insisted they stay on ’til they fell off. The novelty had run out far before the heart was indiscernible.

Obviously, if you’re a stripper, you need to get these. Every girl doesn’t have them, and if you’re the one who is done up, you think that won’t make you an extra $50 a week? I guarantee you it would. It’s like Lady Gaga - she’s never wearing the same thing so she’s always interesting to look at. Get a different design each week and your customers will come in just to see that. If you’re a serious entertainer, I feel this is a must. Clear heels are so passé anyway.

But I have to tell you, overall, I wasn’t off-the-wall thrilled with the vajazzles. If I didn’t know that it was coming, I would have been completely amazed and in awe. I think you could probably use this to spice it up in the bedroom a bit, but don’t tell him you’re going to do it, just do it. The element of surprise is essential.

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