Your Tattoo Is Gay

Marry Me, Glenn Beck!

Glenn Beck was losing his mind because gay marriage would lead to... POLYGAMY!!! He had wedding toppers, holding three in his hand and losing his mind. In my mind I thought: Wow, you finally figured out that MARRIAGE is BULLSHIT! That it makes absolutely NO sense to privilege certain relationships over others! It is a ridiculous and antiquated financial agreement and masking it in religious rhetoric only makes it sound even more ludicrous.

But he, of course, had the apocalypse in his Mormon mind... two women getting married could only spawn a Satanic being bent on destroying humanity in a new Sodom called San Francisco... which to him is a bad thing... I would absolutely vote for a Satanic being bent on destroying humanity... or wait is that Gavin Newsom? I need a chalk board to figure this out...

Apator Hates You!!!

If you are reading this and have never ridden the Cosmic Hearse, I beseech you to call shotgun and hang out with Aesop and the appendix of metal and encyclopedia of music that lives in his head. I have been turned on to so much good music thanks to him.

This is about one such music. You can find a link here:

http://cosmichearse.blogspot.com/2010/05/rub-one-out-for-devil.html


Once I started I was hooked. Here is what I know: APATOR made a ton of demos from 1988 to 1995 and then completely vanished. The project is one person (Robert van Arnhem) , literally and figuratively, and I can only call it spoken word, or performance music, because the few demos I've heard are noises and vocals, "hate vocals" if you will, which is basically grunted chanting and/or jerking off moaning. Sort of what I imagined Abruptum to be before I heard them.

Some ol' ESL chestnuts you might break out at this years Xmas party:

"Apator's stiff cock points at the heavenly sky"
"I know where you live"
"God has horny servants"
"Fifteen unholy centimetres"
"One hell of a homo"

and who could forget the time-tested standard:

"Satan, I will be your whore"



If you're looking for metal, it is nowhere to be found, yet it pervades every aspect of this project.

Early recordings were done under different names:

Quorton (1988-1989)
Helldozer (1988)
Zaag (1989)
Apaat (1989)
Het Geluid Kruipt (1989-1990)



The demos were much discussed in zines, but when actually acquired were mostly thrown out. Partly due to homophobia (although you probably know what you're getting in to with titles like "You Would Love to Suck Apator's Cock. He Won't Let You Do It!!!"), but most likely due to the fact that this is closer to avant garde noise or amateur music and sounding nothing like... anything. You could in no way call this outsider music, because Robert van Arnhem seemed pretty well connected for a guy that whipped his dick out every chance he got around the Dutch scene or a camera or blood spurting out of his head.

Apator opened for Samael, Exhorder and Impaled Nazarene, hung out with the singer from Funeral Winds (Gorgoroth, who took some of the pictures) and his brother drummed for Thanatos. He performed in sweatpants with the crotch cut out and bled all over after cutting his head. He had a zine called Humbled Return of Christ and Horny Muhammed where he interviewed Thergothon, Bestial Summoning and Impaled Nazarene.

For a complete list of releases go here:

http://www.nlbme.nl/home.htm


For a sample go here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6OSIG2rPRDk


So Apator, hope you're Satan's sex slave by now, but if not, at least declared mentally competent and you hopefully aren't the racist asshole we once knew you as. If not, then jerk on (or is it off?) you hell of a homo... God has horny servants, indeed!


If anyone has more info, please slip it in!

PS this is extreme music and you may find the politics not to your liking... racism and religious hatred abound... caveat emptor





BONUS! hilarious write up from rasputin at Sputnik Music:
http://www.sputnikmusic.com/album.php?albumid=47905

Satan’s most blasphemous and prolific child out of Rotterdam, Robert van Arnhem aka Apator lives and works in the deepest recesses of sacrilegious krieg. Between the years of 1988 and 1996 van Arnhem recorded the diabolical manifestations of the Dark Lord so that his children and followers could unite under the one banner, to raise the flames and angelic defilement from the depths of the underworld. Masturbate in Praise of Black Satan is merely one of many worthy tomes of satanic and profane ruination, representing the unadulterated worship of the Antichrist. For the entirety of its length, Apator spews forth the message and heretical divinations of the Dark Lord so that we may besmirch our bodies and minds.

Where the remainder of Apator’s discography supplements his manifesto of destruction, Masturbate in Praise of Black Satan is the pinnacle of Satan’s will on this earth. To sit in the dark and hear the very voice of the one who will take us to transcendent realms of existence is an experience for all of the world, for all of the Antichrist’s possessions. It is expected that with the aid of such irreverent recordings we prepare ourselves for the ultimate profligacy, by which our souls will utter the vile words of acceptance and we accept Satan into our hearts.

Summary: In your prayers, remember: your Soul is your nearest, and the bringer of all good things. Your God is stone deaf.

Rated: 5.0 CLASSIC

Tomata or Tomita???

Tomata du Plenty vs. TOMITA in a no-holds-barred rumble to the cosmic trash heap... WHO WOULD WIN?

Jesus Points the Bone at You?

This is why you should study anatomy... you don't want your distended stomach to look like a big chub... or do you?

This is in some church in Oklahoma. And it is hilarious.

DO IT!

George Orwell claimed 1984 as the year totalitarianism would rear its ugly rat-trap-attached-to-your-face head. But after the PMRC was ready to come out of the oven, everyone was focused on the evils of music. Tina Turner was hanging out with David Bowie, Prince's crotch had his own entry in the DSM, the first wave of hardcore had dissipated, leaving a swathe of straight-edge kids to punch smoking girls, Dee Snider was scaring parents with spandex blood and Frank Zappa sat on the toilet. In a word: TURMOIL.

The insanity culminated with Judas Priest "defending the faith." In a lawsuit filed against the gods who gave rock and roll to us, a family claimed that their son had shot himself in the face as a result of backward-masked subliminal messages. The message? DO IT. Yes, that was the message. DO IT. Good thing Nike's non-subliminal ad campaign wasn't around back then. JUST DO IT. Yikes!

Any way, here's a trip down memory lane. Or, a trip down the time before time, when you were just a primordial bisque floating in the ether, awaiting Rob Halford's shrieking pipes to awaken your very being from its slumber: DO IT was actually a message to your parents, telling them to make you. Either way, DO IT! I mean, ENJOY!